Lackadaisy : Lackadaisy Introduction 1     by   Tracy J. Butler

for those of you who like cats, comics, comedy, and the 1920's.

Kite by John Rives

I mistook a garbage truck for thunder.

The morning after the first night we made love,
I dreamt thunder was chasing rain
through your neighborhood,
flooding the streets and keeping the two of us
indoors for days or even weeks,
until some old prophet could drop, by in an ark,
to take us and the rest of the paired-up animals
to a very high place, or an island maybe,
where we could just
sleep naked for a living.

But the thunder was a garbage truck.
And when my eyes woke up
a note on your pillow said:
"Good morning, Sparkle Boy!
I'll be back around noon.
You--make yourself at home."
And so I did.

Maybe.

I'm saying maybe I put on your slippers,
which were as comfortable as bunnies
because they were bunnies,
and then shuffled over my new favorite
hardwood floor to the bathroom
where maybe I took a bubble bath,
which is not something I can do at my place
because, frankly, my tub is way too skanky
to ever sit my bare ass down in.
And then maybe I got so caught up in the romance of the suds
I started quoting old Latin poetry from my college days
like: "fulsere quondam candidi tibi soles..."
You know: "Verily a bright sun does favor me this morning...muthafucka!"

And then maybe I...played with myself.
But it’s not what you’re thinking--
I’m saying possibly I just sorta
stuck my hand up from the water, going:

hand!(HERE I HOLD MY HAND UP LIKE A SOCK PUPPET
hand!WITHOUT THE SOCK AND MY HAND TEASES ME
hand!IN A HIGH, SMUTTY VOICE):

HAND: "Somebody got laid last night!
Ha-ha-haaaa!
It was youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!"

Or whatever.

And then maybe I...played with myself,
and it's exactly what you're thinking.
But if I did, it was only to put
the mental motion picture of our naked night together
on replay and replay and replay
so touching myself was just like...
Tivo in a way.

And yes, I was still wet when I borrowed your bathrobe.
And yes, I baked apples in your oven
and then ate them with your honey, honey.
And yes, I scared the birds away from your balcony
with my antics, dancing full-blast
to your old Prince CD's--
but please let’s just keep that my little secret,
because nothing is as private as a solitary dance
unless--maybe--it's standing in front of a full-length mirror
in a borrowed pair of bunny slippers,
slipping off a bathrobe and then wishing to a lightbulb
that my name, or my game, or my whatever were bigger,
wondering: "What kind of woman wants this skinny kid for her warrior?"

And so I made for you a kite, enormous,
out of coat hangers, brown paper bags
and the masking tape from that drawer in your kitchen,
and I hung it in the hallway
where you couldn’t hardly miss it,
and I tagged that kite with my words,
I wrote:

Just so you know--

My weird mind wanders and my brave heart breaks.
I've nailed some milestones, but I've made mistakes,
Cuz I got more faults than a map of California earthquakes.

I am taking a nap beneath your covers.
Wake me if you like me.
Wake me if you want me
Wake me if you need another poem.

Your once and future lover
has made himself at home
-----------------------------------------------------

he is most definitely one of my favorite poets 

I honestly have no idea what i'm doing. I just wing it and hope for the best. When it comes to life it's all luck and god's will. When it comes to men i notice only few of the repeating patterns that lead to failure. I have no idea what i'm doing. It could all flip over in the blink of an eye and i wouldn't even know what happened. So please, be honest with me. Because otherwise i just keep guessing in my head and i'll never know the answer even after it's too late.

Free Spirit Spheres: Things I'd Like To Try 002

http://freespiritspheres.com/

Kuhl Design Build

 These guys...

...are awesome!

http://www.kuhldesignbuild.com/

Tumbleweed-Houses

 Things I'd Like To Try: 

001 Camping In A Tumbleweed-House

http://www.tumbleweedhouses.com/houses/walden/

doesn't that look nice?

Red Rabbit Drive In

Places I'd Like to Visit (again):
The Red Rabbit Drive In is an old-fashioned 50's style restaurant.  Our restaurant features good food in a unique atmosphere offering curb service allowing you to eat in your car, at one of the outdoor picnic tables, or take it with you.  Burgers, Fries, Ham & Pork Bar-B-Ques, and Chicken Dinners are just a few of the items on the menu and everything is made-to-order.  Wash it down with Birch Beer, a hand spun Milkshake, or a Float.  Finish up with a Soft Serve Ice Cream Cone, a Sundae or a Banana Boat.

http://www.redrabbitdrivein.com/Red_Rabbit_Drive_In/Welcome.html

What's Your Score?

Some credit score information I found in a random Reader's Digest magazine (October 2009 edition). The article's titled "Your Magic Number" and it has some interesting information that seems useful, so I decided to post it on here. Enjoy!

Better Score, Cheaper House If a family put a 3.5% down payment on a $172,900 four-bedroom house in Greenville, South Carolina, they would take out a loan for $166,850. Here’s what their true bottom line would look like.

Score          Rate            Payment          Cost  

760+          4.981%       $893.75         $326,900 

700–759     5.203          $916.50         $335,090 

680–699     5.380          $934.83         $341,689 

660–679     5.594          $957.22         $349,749 

640–659     6.024          $1,002.93      $366,205 

620–639     6.570          $1,062.30      $387,578

Less than 620: It will be tough to get a loan at all.

Better Score, Cheaper Car A buyer puts $3,000 down on a $25,605 2009 Honda Accord EX-L sedan and finances the rest over 60 months. Here’s his true bottom line.

Score           Rate             Payment   Cost  

720+          6.42%         $441.45     $29,487 

690–719     7.88            $457.05     $30,423 

660–689     9.86            $478.73     $31,724 

620–659     12.79          $511.91     $33,715 

590–619     17.64          $569.60     $37,176 

500–589     18.43          $579.32     $37,759

Less than 500: It will be tough to get a loan at all.

 

plasticland

Dreams

I've been sick these past few days and thus have been taking several naps throughout the day. During one of these naps i had a very peculiar dream. After waking i didn't think much of it except i was slightly concerned and the morbid nature. I later was talking with a friend and shared it with him. After sharing my dream my friend insisted that i find a dream book. Now he meant to right down my dreams which I'll admit are usually (if remembered) very detailed. However, initially i thought he meant i should purchase a dream book in which to interpret my dreams. I instantly went online and went in search of something similar that i wouldn't have to purchase. I came across dreammoods.com, which i quickly found to be a wonderful website for analyzing dreams. My friend then insisted that i put my dream on this blog. I then suggested that i could also put what each part supposedly means. He wasn't too thrilled about this idea, but i thought it would be fun. Now this dream in particular i felt was a tad too morbid for online (i know that doesn't make sense, but it's what i felt). So instead I've decided to put up the dream i had the next morning. Which is divisible into three parts.

I dreamed that i was at some type of function that looked like it was held in a church basement. 

To dream that you are attending a function, symbolizes your celebration of life... Alternatively, the dream may be a metaphor that you need to find "purpose" in life. 

To dream that you are inside a church, suggests that you are seeking for spiritual enlightenment and guidance. You are looking to be uplifted in some way. Perhaps you have made some past mistakes which have set you back on your path toward your goals. With proper support, you will get on the right track again. Alternatively, the dream may also mean that you are questioning and debating your life path and where it is leading. You are reevaluating what you want to do.

There was a table against one wall and opposite there was a counter that bent around, allowing for people to

 To see a table in your dream, represents social unity and family connections.

move in a space behind. There was a row of crock pots on the counter and my mother was stirring what was

 To see or use a crock pot in your dream, suggests that you need to look at various sources to attack a problem. Alternatively, it means that patience, hard work, and tenacity will pay off in the long run. Hang in there and don't let difficulties and obstacles discourage you.

To see your mother in your dream, represents the nurturing aspect of your own character. Mothers offer shelter, comfort, life, guidance and protection. 

probably soup in one of them. On the table there were a few big bins/buckets filled with what i presumed to 

Similarly to food, to dream about soup, represents emotional hunger or nourishment. In addition, soup also signifies comfort and healing.

To see or carry a bucket in your dream, indicates an improvement in your current situation.

be snack bags or drinks.

At first i was talking to my mother. Then i saw this big wooden board on a stand that looked like an old toy 

To dream that you are having a conversation with your mother, denotes a matter that has preoccupied your mind and you are not sure how to deal with it in your waking life.

To see something old in your dream, suggests that there is something in your life that you need to replace or get rid of. Alternatively, the dream means that there may be something in the past that you need to incorporate into your current life. 

To see or play with toys in your dream, symbolize childhood, domestic joy and harmony. You may be searching for the comfort and security of home. It also represents playful attitudes and your childish ways.

involving magnets and electricity. I tried to figure it out and my mother offered to help. She kept talking like it

To see a magnet in your dream, symbolizes negative forces that are drawing you towards a path of dishonor and ruin. Alternatively, the dream signifies personal empowerment. Some force is bonding or uniting your relationships together. The dream may also be a metaphor for your magnetic personality.

To dream of electricity, symbolizes vigor and life energy. You need to be revitalized. Alternatively, the dream suggests that you need to conserve your energy.

had some nostalgic value; which i had presumably forgotten about. I declined her offer and finally figured out how to start the toy. I watched the magnet fly across the board in a curved path around several obstacles. I

 To see or play with broken toys in your dream, suggest that you are trying to make the best out of a negative situation.

then restarted it by winding up some type of rod attached to a string. Then i walked over to a lit room with an open door that appeared to be a small bathroom with a bathtub. My mom then walked in behind me with

To dream that you are entering through a door, signifies new opportunities that are presented before you. You are entering into a new stage in your life and moving from one level of consciousness to another. To see an opened door in your dream, symbolizes your receptiveness and willingness to accept new ideas/concepts. In particular, to see a light behind the door, suggests that you are moving toward greater enlightenment/spirituality.

 To dream that you are in the bathroom, relates to your instinctual urges. You may be experiencing some burdens/feelings and need to "relieve yourself". Alternatively, a bathroom symbolizes purification and self-renewal. You need to cleanse yourself, both emotionally and psychologically.

 To see or be in a bathtub in your dream, suggests a need for self-renewal and escape from everyday problems. You need to rid yourself of the burdens that you have been carrying. Alternatively, it indicates your mood for love and pursuit of pleasure and relaxation.

some wall hanging that looked like a flat white square teddy bear with pockets. she then said how much she

White represents purity, perfection, peace, innocence, dignity, cleanliness, awareness, and new beginnings. You may be experiencing a reawakening or have a fresh outlook on life. Alternatively, white refers to a clean, blank slate. Or it may refer to a cover-up.

To see a square in your dream, signifies strength, solidity and stability. ... To see a square in your dream may also mean that you are "back to square one". You need to start over and go back to the beginning.

 To see or receive a teddy bear in your dream, suggests a regression to an earlier state. You may be reminiscing about early childhood memories. Or it may symbolize lost security, comfort, and companionship. You need to be reassured and taken care of.

To see a pocket in your dream, represents your hidden talents and undeveloped abilities. You are not utilizing your strengths to the fullest potential. Did you find anything in the pocket? Consider the significance of what is inside the pocket. Alternatively, a pocket symbolizes secrets.

enjoyed the wall-hanging and how it was waterproof. She was now putting some young child/boy into the tub.

To see children in your dream, signify an aspect of yourself and your childlike qualities. You may be retreating back to a childlike state and longing for the past. You are trying to still satisfy repressed desires and unfulfilled hopes. Perhaps there is something that you need to see grow and nurture. Take some time off and cater to the inner child within. Alternatively, the dream may be highlighting your innocence, purity, simplicity, and carefree attitude.
If you are female and dream that you see or are a boy, then it indicates that you are developing the masculine aspects of character. 

I presumed it was possibly my younger brother but the boy looked much younger. The water appeared

To see your brother in your dream, symbolizes some aspect of your relationship with him. It can also serve to remind you that someone in your waking life has certain characteristics or behaviors similar to your brother.

To see water in your dream, symbolizes your unconscious and your emotional state of mind. Water is the living essence of the psyche and the flow of life energy. It is also symbolic of spirituality, knowledge, healing and refreshment.

warm and steaming. The young boy splashed water everywhere especially on the wall, the wall hanging, and 

 To feel warmth in your dream, signifies contentment and satisfaction in your current state. You are happy with where you are. Alternatively, feeling warmth is analogous to hope and unconditional love.

To see or hear steam in your dream, denotes your intense emotional state regarding an issue or situation. You are headstrong about proceeding forth on an issue. ... Alternatively, it signifies a new idea...

To dream that you are being splashed by water, means that you need to be more expressive with your feelings. It also indicates your need to be revitalized.

on my right arm. I checked the pockets of the wall hanging to see if anything not waterproof was in them.

To see your arms as the emphasis in your dream, indicate your nurturance side and your ability to reach out and care for people. Alternatively, it may represent the struggles and challenges in your life. ...The right arm signifies your outgoing nature and is associated with masculine energy

I found two pieces of folded paper. I opened one that looked like newsprint but i couldn't read it. i assumed

Two stands for balance, diversity, partnership, marriage cooperation, soul, or receptivity. It can also symbolize double weakness or double strength. The world is seen as being made up of dualities and opposites, as in the male and female, mother and father, light and dark, heaven and hell, yin and yang, etc.

To dream that you are unable to read the newspaper, indicates that your reputation is being called into question. There is some uncertainty in a situation that you are pursuing.

the papers belonged with the game. (i do not know what happened to these pieces of paper cause i was no longer holding them) 

I then walked out of the bathroom and closed the door only to see another door in front of me. This door 

 To dream that the door is closed or locked, signifies opportunities that are denied and not available to you or that you have missed out on. Something or someone is blocking your progress. It also symbolizes the ending of a phase or project.

however was closed and at a side view since the part of the wall around it bent in a square fashion inward away from the rest of the wall. The door was on the left side of this square and there was a rug in front of it. I

 To see a rug in your dream, suggests that you are trying to shield yourself from some harsh reality. Perhaps there is something that you are trying to hide. Consider the design and condition of the rug. If it is old and worn, then it suggests that you are being taken advantage of. You feel you are being stepped on by others.

then saw my good friend (we'll name him friend 1). 'Friend 1' was sitting on the rug and then stood up and

To see friends in your dream, signify aspects of your personality that you have rejected, but are ready to incorporate and acknowledge. The relationships you have with those around you are important in learning about yourself. Alternatively, dreaming of a friend, indicates positive news.

asked if i wanted to take a ride on his magic carpet. He then joked "only a dollar an hour". I then presumed 

 To dream of a magic carpet, implies your desires and wishes to escape from a situation, relationship, or responsibilities. The dream is similar to a flying dream, so you may want to look up flying.

To hear a joke in your dream, signifies that you are doing something that is either pointless or ridiculous. The dream may serve to alleviate some tension that has been weighing on you.

he was talking about the room, which i sensed was a bedroom for rent (like with hotels, except we were still

 To dream that you are in the bedroom, signifies aspects of yourself that you keep private. It is also indicative of your sexual nature and intimate relations.

in the church basement). I then joked about the price saying "more like a nickel per minute". He found this

To dream that you are telling a joke, denotes that you are not being taken seriously and as a result you are feeling frustrated. On the other hand, you may not be the one who is taking an issue seriously.

funny (so apparently in my dream it made sense). Then i walked over to where the table and counter were to sit down on the floor against the counter.A group of me and 'friend 1''s friends were there, including 'friend 2' 

To dream that you are sitting, indicates your indecision. You do not know what you want to do about something. It also suggests that you are idling and wasting your life away.

To see a group in your dream, refers to the merging of various aspects of your character and personality.

and 'friend 3'. 'Friend 3' was hiding in one of the big bucket/barrels on the table. I could only see the top of his

 To dream that someone is hiding, indicates that you are looking for a sense of security and protection.

head (he has fairly distinctive hair). 'Friend 2' was running around and goofing off with the other guys

To dream about your ex-boyfriend... suggests that something or someone in your current life is bringing out similar feelings you felt during that relationship with your ex. The dream may be a way of alerting you to a similar behavioral patterns in your current relationship. What you learn from that previous relationship, may need to be applied to the present one so that you do no repeat the same mistakes. Alternatively, you may be reflecting on the positive experiences and good times that you shared with your past love.Metaphorically, seeing your ex in your dream may also signify aspects of yourself that you have x'd out or neglected.

including 'friend 1'. It felt like there was a small crowd around me. All of a sudden someone (I'm not sure

To dream that you are in or part of a crowd, suggests that you need some space for yourself. You need solitude to reflect on a situation and recharge your energy. Consider also the familiar phrase of "going along with the crowd" which implies conformity and lack of individuality. Perhaps you feel that your own opinion doesn't count or matter. Alternatively, dreaming of a crowd means that you need to incorporate the various aspects of the crowd into your own persona.

who.. probably 'friend 1') reached over me onto the counter and picked out two cupcakes and handed them

 To see or eat a cupcake in your dream, suggests that you are treating yourself to a little sweet reward. You feel that you are deserving of some sort of gift of prize. Alternatively, a cupcake represents your need to downsize some aspect of your life in order to make it more palatable or manageable. Take it a little bit at a time.

to me. One of the cupcakes was vanilla with vanilla icing and little white chocolate candy discs on top. The

 To taste or smell vanilla in your dream, indicates a welcoming experience or inviting situation. Alternatively, it symbolizes purity and innocence.

other cupcake was chocolate with dark chocolate icing. I didn't know what to do with these cupcakes so i

To see chocolate in your dream, signifies love, celebration and self-reward. It also suggests that you may be indulging in too many excesses and need to practice some restraint.

To eat chocolate in your dream, indicates that you are embracing your own sensuality.

decided to try to throw the vanilla one into one of the buckets. I didn't see if it made it or not, i think it 

 To dream that you are throwing something, indicates that there is someone or something that you need to rid yourself of from your life. Consider the object that you are throwing. Alternatively, the dream may be a pun that you are "throwing" or fixing a game or situation. Are you working against the objective?

possibly fell into the one 'friend 3' was hiding in. I decided not to take a chance of dropping the second one onto the floor so i decided to eat it. Accidentally i took too big a bite and it filled my mouth and crumbs

To dream that you are eating alone, signifies loss, loneliness, and depression. You may feel rejected, excluded, and cut off from social/family ties. Eating may be a replacement for companionship and provide a form of comfort. Alternatively, eating alone reflects independent needs. Also consider the pun, "what's eating you up?" in reference to anxiety that you may be feeling. To dream that you are overeating or not eating enough, signifies a lack of spirituality and fulfillment in your waking life. Food can represent love, friendship, ambition, sex or pleasure in your life. Thus, food is a metaphor to fulfill and gratify your hunger for love and desires. If you are refusing to eat, then it indicates that you want to be more independent and not rely on others so much. If you dream that you are a picky eater, than it indicates that you are holding back something.

To see or make crumbs in your dream, suggest that you are feeling left out. Do you feel like an outsider in some situation?

fell down all over me. Just then 'friend 2' ran up and landed on my lap. He looked up at me realizing what i 

To notice your lap in your dream, implies opportunities or problems. It also refers to loneliness and loss. To dream that you are holding someone on your lap, signifies your caring and supportive nature. Alternatively, the dream implies that you are open to criticism.

had done and we both laughed. He then said "kiss me you fool" and he moved his hand to grab/touch my

 To hear laughing or dream that you are laughing, suggests that you need to lighten up and let go of your problems. Don't put so much pressure on yourself. Laughing is also a sign of joyous release and pleasure. 

 To dream of a kiss, denotes love, affection, tranquility, harmony, and contentment. If the dream ends just about as you are about to kiss someone, then it indicates that you are unsure of how he or she really feels about you. You are looking for some sort of relationship with this person but you are not sure about how to go about achieving it. ...To dream that you are kissing someone else's boyfriend or girlfriend, indicates your wish to be in a relationship and to experience the energy of love. Perhaps you are somewhat jealous. You may be sexually acting out and desire to awaken your passion. Alternatively, the dream indicates a lack of integrity on your part. ...If you are kissing a close friend, then it represents your respect and adoration for your friend. It may or may not signify a romantic interest for him or her. ...To dream that you are French kissing in your dream, suggests that you need to express emotions in a more honest way. Perhaps you need to show more passion or be more open with your sexuality.

To dream that you are being touched, represents your closeness and/or relationship with a particular person. It may also mean that you are connected and well in tune with an aspect of yourself. Alternatively, being touched may be a metaphor that you are feeling emotional and sensitive. 

head and we kissed open mouthed. I wasn't sure whether to go for tongue or not and then i woke up.

I Recieved This All Through Text

Well, it was right after I left the Verizon store I was investigating because I wanted to see what my new workplace was gunna be like. I'm just pulling out of this massive shopping center and thinking yo I shoul really look around and see what's good to eat around here, cuz I'll need a few good lunch spots to choose from. Then, come to think of it, I'm hungry right now, fuck making food at home, I just got paaaiiiiid nigga, where's a good place to eat?
So then as if by magic, in a shining beacon from God sort of way, in the shopping center across from mine stood the most glorious pub i know by name, PJ whelihans in all its in house brewed alcoholic glory
Right then and there it was no question where the fuck I was going. I zipped across and parked up in a nice spot, figured it was meant to be and proceeded to pack a bowl. Little did I know that sandals still had a tiny bit of really good shit leftover at the bottom, i packed some fresh green herb on top of it.
I blazed like a true pot head should, by myself and fearless to the world outside my goldfish bowl of a mini can. After getting ridiculously stoned, I went into PJ's and due to being high and a little unsure of myself, paces between a suspiciously vacant seat at the bar and the hostess counter to get a table. I must've looked stupid, especially when after i decided to give up on the only seat that look acceptable and went to the counter to get a little beeper thing, did i open my mouth to the hostess, then out of the corner of my eye see the surrounding crowd to my "maybe" of a vacant seat disperse, leaving no question of it's availability.
So I mumbled something incomprehensible and pointed retardedly at the bar and walked away leaving the hostess utterly confused. I sat at the bar and ordered the one thing I came in there for, hot and honey wings. And of course, the beer on special $2 bottles of bud
So I finished one beer waiting for my wings, and by the time they arrived, all the seats around my had become occupied. So as I began to chow down, the madness ensues. I'm high, and had I not been so, my self esteem and public manners would not have permitted the ravenous behavior that followed. I dug into those wings with a fury unknown to most mortals. It was great because even in a loud ass bar and restaurant full of ppl on a Friday night, I'm certain the ppl next to me could hear the slopping, drooling, bone sucking wing ownage, not to mention the groans of delight I would randomly let out. And if they couldn't, they could definitely see it.
It got to the point where everyone around me had turned away trying to ignore me, which I was totally ok with, slightly smirking on the inside. The bartender was great, even though I was only half done with a beer, she approached me in the middle of trying to swallow a giant piece of chicken, and asked if i'd like another. Like a caveman, I just grunted pointed, and finally spewed out the one word i could muster which was, "napkins." She smiled and grabbed me an extra plate with the necessary paper products on top, then asked again about the beer. I simply nodded and gave a thumbs up because I was already halfway into another wing. After the carnage was all over I chilled for a bit, paid and left a very happy boy. Not much more after that til you called. So, end of story

The Bus

I have spent years trying to figure out the transit system, and let me tell you this.. It's complicated.
So here is a post more so for my own convenience.

Harrisburg: http://www.cattransit.com/routes_and_schedules_bus.php
York: http://rabbittransit.org/pages/fixedroute.html#bsrm
Lancaster: http://www.redrosetransit.com/index.php?pID=5
Reading: http://www.bartabus.com/

I find it most helpful to enter "Bus Transit" and desired city and state into http://www.bing.com/.
Then after that try to compare times from local areas and hope for the best..
Someone really needs to put together something that works all these systems together.. But at least they exist. I guess the less than $2 it costs to get from harrisburg to shippensburg is worth it, in the long run.

fondest wish

But its really so unfair. You know how to taunt 

and tease me so badly and you like doing it so 

much. I can't help but to come after you. Its too 

enticing

Its my fondest wish to make you desire me like 

i do you. I want you to be so crazy about me 

that you wouldn't even be able to fathom 

wanting anything else.

Like to the point where you can't help yourself 

to keep your hands off me. Utterly transfixed 

and (to a noncreepy degree) obsessed with me 

getting close to you

I want to make you mind in a way that I've 

never felt or thought about. a way that far 

exceeds the traditional hormonal instincts and 

common social roleplay

I want to make you mine such you make me 

insane over and over again and i can do it right 

back to you effortlessly as you do

Only problem is - you can play me like a fiddle. 

And if you don't want it to happen, you won't 

let it. Ur too good for me

May i please keep you?

Dipsetmothafucka

Mike Long also known by his youtube fans as dipsetmothafucka is a very unique individual. He made a youtube video once a day for a year. In these videos he would dance to a song he had picked out. I've heard that one of the main reason he did this was because he wanted to open people up to different genre's and sounds. He was always a youtube favorite of mine. However one day after taking a long break from viewing his videos i came back to see his account no longer existed. I was basically heartbroken. So as a dedication to him i found his last video created for this lil experiment and decided to post it on here. #366. Enjoy.

so you've cut your hair too short..

   so i cut my hair too short.. i don't even remember when it started. suddenly, i was standing in the bathroom with a pair of dulling yellow handled scissors. oh wait, that's right; i was going to trim my bangs.
   so first i cut my bangs "oh that looks cute." so that they fell just below my jaw line. then i cut the tips a bit "how bout we trim down here too". then a little more "ok, let's just even things up.", and a little more "this looks cool at an angle". somewhere along the line i noticed there sure was a good amount of hair on the sink; but i didn't really pay attention to it "oh no bangs are drying". then the final cut "there we go" and it was good "oh, i like this". so then i waited for it to dry some more, and i straightened it "oh this looks cute" took a few pictures.. and then headed down to bed.
   now it must've been sometime right before i got in bed. i decided to look at it once again in the mirror. i must've noticed some little piece that just wasn't quite right; because right then i noticed my smaller black handled scissors. "oh these cut nice"... about an hour later back in another bathroom i was cleaning up the fallen hair off the sink.

   so you've cut your hair too short.. i guess it happens to all the brave girls eventually. and even some of the stupid ones. but isn't the difference between bravery and stupidity really just a fine line? honestly, the main difference between the two is how the situation ends. you can panic (which i sure did the next morning). but then you've got to realize things aren't going to change. so work with it, because you are still the same beautiful girl. and if you add a few hair clips, some product, or maybe just ware it up for a few weeks, it can look planned. and if it looks like you meant it, it'll show you have enough confidence to do whatever you like with your hair (which sure is a fuck-ton of confidence). and with that confidence maybe you'll even start to like your new style. and others will like it to. of coarse there 's always the chance they liked it to begin with ;)

Only Time Can Tell

These past three days i have had time off from work for random reasons that really don't exist. And with this time I've come to re-realize something I've known for some time now. I can't stand being by myself for very long. For some odd reason i need constant social interaction. I've tried other means besides one-on-one such as texting, or social networking sites, but it only helps so much.
The more i think about it the more i realize it's not always just because I'm lonely or want someone to converse with, so much as it's that i don't like wasting time. I feel like i never see my friends. So when I'm free i want to shove in as much time to spend with them as i can. And when i can't i become severely disappointed.
I have said many times before it seems i have a fear of wasting my life, but maybe it's something else entirely? It seems i have some idea of how i want life to be, but i have no idea how to obtain it.. And that's probably due to the fact I'm not entirely sure what i want.
So the question is, how does one find out what they truly want in life? If you say i should spend time thinking it over i can tell you I've done plenty of that. But perhaps with more time it will reveal itself to me. So maybe i'll be able to stop worrying about wasting my life and actually do something about it.

"I Want You, But I Don't Need You"

Amanda Palmer - Live at The Music Box

I like this song for several reasons; The main one being that it describes perfectly my problems with men. I'm just looking for someone who i enjoy spending time with who enjoys spending time with me. However, i constantly find overly needy guys who make it almost unbarable to enjoy any benifits in our relationship.

So i guess i just have to agree with what Amanda Palmer is saying here. "I want you, but i don't need you" ''so love me or leave me, just try not to need me".

Cherry Style

This is one of my favorite pieces by Steve Cherry.

If you look closely you'll see how large this chair is,
compared to the (originally warehouse) windows.

(Btw I've seen this chair in person.. It was really neat, as well as the rest of the house)

Wired by Caffine

The aftermath of my massive caffeine consumption can occasionally lead to my mind spilling out random wordage.. so, i decided to type it out; here is an example:

unheard thoughts that even time can't turn.
i wish things worth revealing could reveal things to themselves.. and words would stop there bleeding so i could hear in turn..
life is simple but not easy. this we all do find. if life weren't simple and was easy, would it be so fine?
i wish things weren't written in places i can't see.. for time is still uncertain, and air comes hard to breath..
i wish you'd give me space to breath since the airs too deep for shallow breaths..
and every person that i meet still doesn't know me yet..
for since i saw her smile i haven't truly cried.. because beauty can do that to this mind..
and time still confuses days, and days still confuse time.. but words are never left too far behind.. in writings still we see the delicacy's of time.. for words are words, and you i wish i think i hope are mine; for at least some time..
June is like a flower too beautiful for words, but beauty is so fleeting it fly's faster than birds..
time heals wounds but they don't tell you, it makes them too, it makes them deeper..
i wonder how you've been i haven't seen you for a while, why is it that the only response is good from you? i don't think i know what that means anymore? what 'what' means anymore? do you?
for if time is like this, where its wasted constantly. why do we say we want more if we'd only waist it? we know we'd only waist it.. but time no matter what we say, is still wasted if it feels that way. so i can't deny the sadness caused by this.. my mind still reals and wonders what it means by this.. if only you understood me, i could understand the world. but the world can't understand what can't understand.. and life will go on no matter what you do.. it will continue with, or with out you.. so stop worrying, your wasting more time than you've already wasted.. still i wonder how you are, how you are?

New Mission

A long time ago i decided i wanted to be awesome. Easier said than done but for the most part i achieved entering the general realm of awesome. Thing is, over time i've become lazy, life's become stressful, and all i've worked for seems to be leaving me behind in the foreign place of post-awesomeness.. I don't like this place one bit. I think it's one of the few things in life i actually can't accept. Now at first it was just scary, confusing and annoying, but then the final stage set in. Those i had tried so hard to gain, still love me, but are no longer "wow"ed by me. Were did the wow factor go? I used to be admired for my delightful personality and whitty charm. Both seem to be leaving me. Now i could just accept it like i do everything else in life, but i can't. The one thing i had in life was at least i was happy with who i was, how people saw me, and how i affected the small world around me. I never had much effect, but i had some. So now i'm on a new mission. I am going to try my hardest to be awesome again, even if that means being less me. I'll still be quite unconventional, that's something i can't (and don't want to) change; but i'll be different. It's going to take a whole lot of time and energy, but it's worth it.. Here goes somethin!